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April 08 CapricornI have asked myself so many times what it is I want to work toward, what is it that I ultimately want to BE in life. It is difficult for me to avoid getting sucked into the idea that a material profession is what I should work towards. Like, for instance, once I become a doctor I will be happy and can call myself a good person. A part of me knows that no matter what title I have, how much money I make, and what circles of friends I may be a part of, that these are all things that only create a sterotypical identity for me and that they are not my heart and soul. They don't represent the living compassion within and my feelings that yearn for peace, understanding and unity among all people and all living things. So what I want to work toward is really clearing the path ahead of me from all the things that I give into as distractions. Things I do that are selfish. Choices I make that usually give me temporary relief or satisfaction but ultimately create regret for me when I look at myself in the mirror in times of peace and quiet. I know that I've learned a lot of my recurrent patterns from my social upbringing. But as I get older, it feels like the guiding voice inside me is growing a bit louder and a bit stronger. All I want to do is honour that voice. When I honour that voice, everything else seems to co-operate in it's own unique way as well. -trevor |
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